Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Say a little prayer for me....

I am so glad that I celebrated my birthday in a big way because after going to the hospital last Monday, I've pretty much been feeling crappy ever since.

I stayed at my parents' in NJ after the injection because I was not supposed to drive for 24 hours. I drove home on Tuesday but ended up spending most of the day on the couch feeling dizzy, feverish and having chills. I woke up feeling a little better on Wednesday and got worse as the day went on. I called on a friend and asked for a ride to church so I could at least go to the study group, hoping to feel better. I'm so glad that I did because I had a wonderful experience there and received some great support and comforting words from friends. Thursday I felt a little better so I went shopping for last minute items I wanted to bring to the hospital with me - nightgowns and comfy sweats.

But Thursday night, I felt this extremely sharp pain on the side of my left thigh. I didn't think much of it until Friday morning when I woke up and that pain was worse. It started to be very difficult to sit down and to get up and even to walk without limping. I called the hospital and spoke with the doctor who did the procedure on Monday and when I explained the situation he did not think it was related to the injection. I called my surgeon's office and the best they could do is recommend I take Tylenol extra strength.  I have such a wonderful mom that she decided to drive up from Jersey and check up on me to make sure I was ok. We also had a couple of friends stop by to see how I was doing.

Unfortunately, Saturday the pain was even worse and I officially spent most of my day on the couch, only getting up when it was absolutely necessary. This really was starting to worry me because this pain is completely unlike my usual pains and I was just starting to hope for life to be "nice and easy" with my old friends - all my pains that I'm already used to and know what to expect. Sunday was not any better and my mom offered to come pick me up so I could stay at their place in case I needed to go to the hospital on Monday. I accepted immediately because it was definitely not getting any better and I knew I would have to try to do something about it and I was hoping to at least try to figure it out before my surgery on Wednesday.

It was a little sad to leave earlier than expected because the plan was to drive down on Tuesday after John got home from work. It was a little sad to be leaving my new home after just a short month to be gone for a few weeks. But it was also good to know that my mom would be able to help me a lot more and that I would be able to go into the city on Monday either to see my surgeon or go straight to the hospital.

Arriving in Jersey, I already feel like I'm at Hotel Brandao! LOL. My parents are the best and are seriously doing so much for me. Their love and care will seriously make this process so much easier on me. I'm grateful that despite our problems and concerns, we can still laugh and have fun. My mom and I couldn't sleep so we talked and laughed about Milena and the atleta for hours. Or my dad made fun of me being such a viejita because I'm walking with a cane. Or my new toilet seat (Thanks Em!) that will be parked next to my bed. Laughter therapy is so powerful.

First thing I did when I got up this morning was call my doctor's office but he was at the hospital in surgeries all day. His nurse said it would be best to go straight there since that's where I had the procedure done and if I needed any x-rays or an MRI it would be much easier to do and she said if they needed to keep me there I could just stay til Wednesday. Oh lordy! Thank goodness my hospital bag was almost all packed. So I had to prepare myself to possibly be admitted today...first order of business, shaving and fixing my eyebrows lol.

Unfortunately this hospital visit wasn't very helpful. To make a long story short, a very young resident told me straight off the bat he didn't know what I had. Well...if the doctors don't know what I have, then who will? And whatever happened to let's talk to me more to try to figure out what it is? He looked so young that my mom guessed he was 25 and I thought 28...well, she was right! I have no shame so I actually asked him! LOL.

I did more x-rays of my hips and thighs, told my story to at least 5 different people and at the end no one knew what to do with me. They didn't even recommend any medication I could take (not that I could take many since I am still planning to be operated on Wednesday). Finally, they called down to my surgeon and he realizes that the injection obviously did not work. He doesn't think that it's so much of an emergency that we should cancel on Wednesday so he said he will look at the x-rays and come see me before the operation to examine my legs.

It's really frustrating to have the people who are the experts not know what's wrong with you and not be able to help you but this is not the first time I've dealt with this. I guess ever since the beginning, the doctors have always been a little lost...it took so long just to diagnose me. I'm glad that at least I tried and went into the hospital. Normally, I would've just stayed home and now Dr. F knows he needs to come see me before the surgery.

My mom thinks I don't look like I'm in pain enough so they probably don't think it's a big deal. LOL. Actually I've heard that a few times in the past couple of weeks. I don't know how else to be. I am someone who lives with constant pain...can you imagine how miserable my life would be if I let that pain win and show on my face all the time? I'm not always happy-go-lucky but I try as much as I can. There are days when the pain is at a 10 and there's no way I can hide it but thankfully that's not everyday. The more I fill my life with love, laughter and a positive attitude, it's like an adrenaline kicks in and I can forget it's there. I've been dealing with it for so long that you kind of have to develop a mechanism to not let it control how you live. I think one of the hardest parts of my day is getting up in the morning because it's when the pain is strongest. If I can get out of bed, then I can make it through my day.

But without a doubt, the biggest contributor to how I react to how I feel is my faith in God. I am thankful for my belief system, for knowing in my heart that everything happens for a reson. God wouldn't let us suffer in vain and so there must be a reason why I'm going through this. It does not matter if I do not fully know the reasons right now, I just know that He is just and fair. I believe in karma and how we must redeem ourselves for our past behaviors, whether in this life or another. I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to do that in this life. And he gave me such a great support system to go through this process.

I am surrounded by such positive energy and I have received such positive feedback, so many phone calls, emails and messages, especially since I decided to send this blog to more friends. I know I am going in on Wednesday but I can only imagine the chain of positive energy and prayers I will have on my side that day. It's during difficult times that people really come together and offer their love and support. I thank each and every one of you who has offered me a kind word and your help in any way.

At the end of the day, I think I'm a lucky girl. Sure, the journey I am on may not be the easiest but the people around me sure know how to lighten my load.

.... I think this is my last entry pre-operation. Wish me luck and please say a little prayer for me. See you on the other side!


Anonymous said...

Hi love,

Reading your blog reminds me of what a strong, brave and beautiful person you are. You truly inspire me to be better. I know your road isn’t easy, as you say, but this too will pass. I have faith that God will cure you. That one day you will live pain free. I can’t tell you enough how much I love you. Please, please call me if you need me…even if it means taking a day off and being your nurse for the day. I’m here for you. ~Elke

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