Thanks to my "ugly feet," I've never been able to walk into a shoe store and buy as many shoes as I wanted. And that's not even talking about the cute or trendy section. I always had to go for the comfortable-and-definitely-not-the-most-attractive-shoes around. And even those, many times I had to return because my feet would hurt so much.
Since recovering from my second surgery, I've been SO excited to finally buy cute shoes and go on a shoe shopping spree. I might've gone a little overboard, but who cares? Being able to walk into DSW (of course I picked the largest store) and have SEVERAL cute shoes fit me was definitely a first, an exhilarating experience (possibly a shoe high?). I actually had to turn down some just because I wasn't ready to spend that much. And Easy Spirit online (unfortunately there are no stores in CT) has become my latest BFF.
I am now the proud parent of several cute boots to wear in the winter and to work, and a few really really cute sandals for our Caribbean cruise in two weeks. I don't think I'll ever be able to do heels, even with new feet, but I'm very happy with my flat shoes.
Below is just a small sampling of them!!! My right foot was still a little swollen when I took these pics two weeks ago, that's why it doesn't go in all the way...and please don't mind my un-manicured feet, another habit that new feet will be breaking.
PS: Even though I have new feet, I am thinking that I may need more surgery....I'll write more about that next time.
Once again I can't believe it's already been 3 months since my 2nd surgery (and 8 months since my first). I have to say the last couple weeks have been a little challenging adjusting to work again but I think my foot is finally getting the memo. After last week's inching debacle, I started to take more care of my foot and he started to behave more. I am keeping it elevated 80% of my day at work, icing it at least three times at work, and also taking 2 ginger tablets a day (my surgeon's nurse said she has heard this is a homeopathic way of treating swelling). My foot's been a little swollen but sooo much better than it was. I'm even feeling brave enough to possibly wear sneakers to the office one day next week so see how it behaves.
I also can't believe this year is over. 2010's been fun (NOT!) but I am ready for 2011. This has been one of the most difficult years of my life but one that has taught me many lessons of strength, (a little) patience, learning to lean and depend on others, and most importantly, gratitude. But I am so excited for 2011...a new year ahead of me, with new feet, a new job, a fun trip in 2 months, I'll be 30 in March, hopefully a first time home buyer at some point, the possibilities are endless.
Just wanna wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
My foot kinda ballooned in size last night...I didn't really do much standing or walking, even used the old lady mobile chair at Wal-Mart. It also poured all day long and John seems to think that had an effect on it.
Today at work the balloon seemed to get a little bit bigger...check me out:
My foot has NEVER been this swollen
When I took my compression stocking off at lunch time to ice my foot, this kinda panicked me a bit. Not only was I having an extreme information overload morning and then to have to deal with this. So I called my surgeon's office and spoke to his nurse who said I should just continue to do what I'm doing: taking it easy, elevate and ice it. But she said to lose the compressing stocking. No problem! I don't like that thing anyway. If it doesn't get better, she wants me to come into the city on Thursday morning to see him. I hope I don't have to do that.
So when life gives you lemons, you improvise:
How I improvised to keep my foot elevated under my desk at all times
I also spoke to my boss and she was SOOO nice about it. She was actually adamant that I call my surgeon and said if I need to take any time off to go see my doctors or even if I need to take a week off just to sit at home that it's totally fine. I obviously don't wanna do that but let's see how it goes.
I just got home and the swelling is actually MUCH better. I hope it keeps going that way.
I have been trying to get some motivation to write an entry all week. I have just been so exhausted that I postponed it til today, so please forgive me if this isn't one of my best.
Going back to work was great and overwhelming and exciting and exhausting. It's been a week full of mixed emotions. I'm really excited to be back to work, to have my office, to start to do what I love again (and am quite good at!), to just be back to a normal life, and especially to have work benefits and an upcoming paycheck. But boy, was it hard on my body!!
Monday through Wednesday I was pretty much a vegetable when I got back home. And quite honestly, I wasn't really taking care of me during the day. I was just too excited to meet people and my boss was too excited to make me walk everywhere. So on Thursday, I nicely told her I had to take it easy because my foot's been pretty swollen. As a result, Thursday and Friday were pretty great. I still need a lot of training and it'll take a while for me to be fully aware of everything I need to do.
Just want to say a HUGE thank you to John who made dinner and served me every night this week and who didn't ask me to do one thing around the house so I could just rest at night. You're the bomb diggity!
Today's been a pretty lazy day, just resting up to be ready for tomorrow! My foot's been behaving pretty good, it just gets swollen because it definitely hasn't gotten this much action in a looooong time!
I'm not sure what I did wrong...but I'm in too much pain to walk now. I've been walking great and about a week ahead in progress compared to last time. So John and I have been house hunting since I came back home and we saw 3 houses on Thursday. I didn't think that was a big deal since we had done that before. I came home and my foot was already bothering me so I decided to stay off it the rest of the day.
Then yesterday I stayed off it all day until it was time to go see Harry Potter. Since my friend got herself a baby sitter for the night and drove all the way up from Jersey, I didn't think it would be fair to bail. Well, I should've probably taken my wheelchair. I came back home almost wanting to crawl to my apartment door...that's how much my foot hurt.
So it's really swollen and still very painful today so I'm staying off it the entire weekend. It's kind of a bummer. I've been doing so great and my foot has honestly not hurt like this since the first couple of days post-op. Thankfully I see my surgeon in 3 days and we'll see if anything comes up in the x-rays. Hopefully it's nothing serious!
This has been an amazing week, while also awful at the same time. We traveled to Newport, RI for the 4th of July with two of our favorite couples. It was just a 3-day getaway, where we saw beautiful places, laughed til we cried, and just had a fantastic time. We brought my wheelchair so I could be rolled around the entire time and not take away from our day trips. Thank God for John who pushed me all weekend, even getting calluses on his hands....I don't know what I would do without you. My foot felt great and I was able to walk around a little bit and get up to take pictures.
Unfortunately, as the rest of my body felt great and happy, my legs reminded me CMT doesn't take time off. It was difficult to fall asleep and I tossed and turned in bed all night, waking up in the morning crying. It felt like the pain in my thighs reached new heights, getting ready to test me again. Now that I have been used to my old friends, they've decided to up the ante and see how much more I can take. Thankful for the support, I got in the shower, took a pain med and went out. I wasn't about to let CMT ruin my fun getaway.
Thankfully the super-meds helped me throughout the rest of the weekend, but it left me very thoughtful and honestly, sad. This was such a simple trip where I got wheeled around 99% of the time and my thighs were so painful (on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say 11), that it made me wonder if I'll be able to take some of my dream vacations. Will I ever be able to go to Italy and walk the cobblestone streets? What about Greece? All these beautiful European countries I want to see with my own eyes, where so much walking is involved. And obviously once you open the can of worms, only worms come out...what about having a family? Will I be able to keep up with a kid?
And if it wasn't for the thinking alone, but the pain has persisted, even after we came home. Sure, the first couple of days I blamed PMS (it normally gets worse with PMS)...but it's Friday and I'm still having trouble sleeping because my body is so uncomfortable. So it's just been a little bit of a sad week for me, not mostly sad because of the thinking, mostly sad because I am hurting and there's nothing I can do about it.
But I am not a sad person, so I am allowing myself these few days that I'm more emotional than usual (thanks to PMS) and just crying my tears and starting to feel better. And today I am back to me again. But I do think I need to adjust my thinking and prepare myself if this new pain decides to stay so I can just accept it and move on with my life.
Even through the bad, I am appreciating the good. This week I am walking with no help, I am just walking. The swelling has gone down a lot and my foot is looking a lot more normal. And I've tested the waters by taking a few steps barefoot on my hardwood floors and guess what? No callus pain on my left foot...which is so strange. I can't even remember the last time I had no pain when I stepped down. Step with the right foot, there are my calluses and they hurt. Step with the left...nothing! I guess this is what people with normal feet feel like all the time. I can't wait to have no callus pain at all.
Time really goes by so fast...my surgery was exactly 2 months ago today. I have to admit the 2nd month was a lot harder than the first. I miss those good ol' days when I could take the SUPER-meds and my pains were all gone. Since I stopped taking them after the first month, life has been a little more complicated, and at times, A LOT more painful (not my feet, but my thighs). But the funny thing is that even though life can get difficult, it also finds a way to show you joy...
My foot is healing nicely and it feels good. The scars are healing great, except for the one by my ankle (which I pulled the scab before it was ready to come out. I know I know!!! I shouldn't have!), so that is taking a little longer to heal. I am walking with the help of the boot and either with the crutches or the walker (I prefer to be an old lady just at home). After keeping it down for a while, it gets somewhat swollen and I need to ice it.
I try to keep a positive attitude as much as possible, but I have to admit this whole situation got the best of me earlier this week. I was just moody and annoyed that I can't be outside and enjoy this summer. I was annoyed that I still need so much help with things that I could've easily done on my own before, but mostly I was angry about the summer. This is my absolute favorite time of year and now I only get to see it through the window. It's June 16 and I haven't even put on a bikini yet (I know this is so minimal in the scale of things but remember, this was my venting day).
Also, my disability claim got denied...like seriously?? When I told my surgeon, he said it was impossible. I could probably write an entire entry on how the system is so messed up, but for now, I'll just say that I am getting some legal assistance to file an appeal. Hopefully, things will go in my favor.
Thankfully, my mom came to the rescue with my dad on Monday. It was great to have my parents here the entire day. She helped us so much by cleaning the apartment and bringing tons of my favorite foods for our freezer. She and I went through my shoes to clean out my closet and most of it had to go, so my sisters will be the lucky recipients of all my shoes. It turns out my foot is only a half a size bigger, it looks like it's so much more because my right toe isn't straight.
It's also been great to have the World Cup going on right now...it's kept me really busy. I've never watched this many games or been aware of so many teams' stats. Brazil had their first game against North Korea yesterday and it wasn't too impressive but they won. I'm excited to watch the next game in Newark with a bunch of friends and some Brazilian BBQ.
Despite feeling a little down this week, I am grateful for little by little regaining some of my independence. I can now completely shower on my own, I can walk and go up and down the stairs, I can help around the house a little (helping with dishes or making our bed), I carry things back and forth in my trusty tote bag, walking and putting pressure on my foot feels better and better every day. I am completely off pain meds and even though my leg pains are very strong, they're only a little stronger than before and I get used to handling them. I have also been sleeping much better. It's amazing how simple these things are in our lives that we would normally take them for granted,but for me, every little step and every new thing that I can do on my own gives me such a huge sense of accomplishment.
I really miss the normalcy of life, being independent and being a regular member of society, getting in my car and going anywhere I want. But then I remember that I am doing this to have a better life and that eventually I will have all those things back and more! So I try not to think that it has been a long 2 months, but instead, I'm 2 months closer to achieving a healthier and happier life.
PS: I want to dedicate this entry to Tia Ana. She lives in Brazil but somehow figured out a software to translate all my entries to Portuguese and now she's an avid follower of my blog and my progress. Thank you Tia! I love you!!!
So much has happened since my last entry, I started writing this one a few times but quite honestly wasn't really inspired so I just waited to write it. And what do you know? It's 4am and I can't sleep so I thought I'd catch up ...
I was really looking forward to finally getting to meet my new foot as I was going to see my doctor for my follow up. John and my mom drove me into NYC for the appointment. I was really excited for this, a moment 5 years in the making. I could tell my doctor was really busy so he got right to work by taking off the first cast, which was a little scary. I know he is a great doctor and this was a minor thing to him, but when you see that little saw cutting so close to your leg it's a little nerve-wrecking. I honestly didn't know what to expect...wasn't sure how I would react. At first, it looked a little gross because the first thing I saw were the stitches and the blood on the cotton. And the more he peeled off, the more my absolutely gorgeous foot peeked out to say "Hello" to me. I was speechless (if you know me, you know those moments are hard to come by). And then a wave of emotions started to run through me...of happiness, of accomplishment, and a little weird because the foot was so beautiful and as a person who never had a beautiful foot, I felt like they attached someone else's foot onto my body. The arch was almost non-existent, my toes were perfect straight, and my foot was so long!!! I was a size 6.5 in high school and through the years, my foot has shrunken down to a size 5.5 - 5. My new foot is definitely at least one shoe size bigger!
DISCLAIMER: I'm going to post the pictures here and I hope they don't upset anyone. As the title of this blog reads, this is my journey and I've been waiting for these "after" pictures for a long time!
First, a recap...this is the picture of my old foot:
And this is my new beautiful foot ... despite all the bruising, swelling and my new cool scar:
I was so happy and overcome with emotions that I cried. Cried because a wave of memories washed over me, back to 2004 when I started my diagnosis process, searching for answers. Back to 2005 when the first doctor suggested surgery and I balked at the thought. I thought of all the pain that I've had with my calluses, of all the difficult shoe shopping trips I would force myself to go on to try to find a decent pair of shoes to wear to work, to a nice event, or just to be comfortable. Happy that this is a new beginning for me and that even though we are only at the start, this proved to me that I made the right decision.
My doctor was extremely pleased with what he saw, he said he couldn't have done anything better or different than what he did. That the foot is healing beautifully, that the swelling is very normal for where we are. He actually seemed to admire his work of art a couple of times. I didn't mind at all because that work of art happens to be attached to my body :) He also told me he thinks I am very brave, that when he met me he didn't think I would be doing as well as I am...something John has also said to me. I know there's a light insult in there somewhere lol...but I choose to see the compliment and that made me very happy.
I got a new cast and will be in it for another 4 weeks. I return to the doctor's office on June 1 when they will remove that and put me in a boot and hopefully I will be able to start putting some weight on my foot. We were so excited that we went out to eat to celebrate.
The good and the beautiful came together....the bad came when the doctor said I need to start weaning off the pain medication. Instead of a full pill every 6 hours, I should do half a pill and then eventually down to a quarter. That worked out well Tuesday and Wednesday but on Thursday night, not so much. The fact I had visitors all day may have contributed to the fact I was in so much pain at the end of the night, which led to a few more tears. So I took a full pill at night and another in the morning, and then back to a half pill and so far it's been ok. The bad is also that this medication is so strong that it had been suppressing my usual leg pains and with its decrease, my old friends have come back in full force so it's hard to find a position to be comfortable in. I plan on calling the doctor's office tomorrow to see if there's any medication I can substitute it with that may have the same positive effect on my body.
Even with the bad, I am ecstatic and cannot wait til June 1 to get to see my new footsie again :)
I'm a girl with hopes and dreams who has Charcot-Marie-Tooth (I know! You've never heard of it!). In this blog, I talk about my journey with this invisible disease and 2 reconstructive foot surgeries (and a 3rd minor surgery) I've gone through in the last 18 months. And I try to do it all with a positive attitude and a smile on my face :)
