My Journey Through Surgery

I met Tim like most other CMT'ers I've met - through the amazing world of the internet. Tim's story is actually very similar to mine, we're the same age, both have CMT Type 1A and he is getting ready to have his reconstructive foot surgery this week. He asked me to write an entry for his blog, which you can see below or by clicking here.

You can also check out his blog here: CMT creates: music. Good luck with your surgery Tim!!
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A year ago I set out on a journey, one that would be long and painful but one that should be very rewarding once I reached my destination. I am 29 years old and was diagnosed with CMT Type 1A in 2005. At that time, I met with a surgeon who could correct my insanely high arches, but there was a glitch...I wasn't ready! I wasn't even ready yet to know what CMT was. So I pushed it in a drawer and went on with my life. As time passed, my arches got even higher (my shoe sizes went from a size 6.5 to a 3!!) and the calluses in the balls of both my feet were worse. I had to go to the doctor on a monthly basis to have them shaved off and even then, I still hurt with every step I took. I also developed this terrible pressure pain on both thighs, my ability to walk or stand for long periods of time decreased, and I had no choice but to pull CMT out of that drawer and find the time to deal with it.

I did everything I could possibly do before having reconstructive surgery: physical therapy, acupuncture, several pairs of orthotics, expensive shoes, you name it. Life sometimes has a way of working itself out and I was moving to CT from NJ and had to quit my job. Since the job market isn't all that great and I didn't see any interesting jobs in my field (Marketing), I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to take time off and invest on my health by having two reconstructive surgeries, one on each foot.

I started my search for surgeons again around November 2009 and when I finally selected the best surgeon at the end of the year, he announced to me in January that he was retiring. I was frustrated and annoyed with him, but he promised that he would find me a great surgeon and that he would be there during both surgeries (and he kept his promise!). In February 2010, I met with Dr. Feldman, whom I immediately liked. He thought it would be a good idea to try an injection into my hips to see if it would help my thigh pain. Unfortunately the doctor that administered the injection hit a nerve and I was in so much pain that we couldn't go through with my March 17 surgery.

Finally on April 16, we were all set. No more delays. I had never been hospitalized or had any procedures done, so I was a bit anxious about diving into this unknown. On that day however, I was pretty calm. For me, the hardest part was making the decision. Once the decision was made, I was ready to go. I also prepared myself for the worst case scenario. I talked to several CMT patients who had undergone this surgery before me. I was ready for a year or longer in recovery. And most importantly, I was ready for the pain. The first night was extremely painful and difficult, there were a lot of tears. But I prepared for this journey with the support of family, friends, and loved ones, so I was not alone. Even though I live with my boyfriend, I prepared to spend about 2 months with my parents each time because they would be able to be with me almost all of the time. Believe it or not, time went a lot faster than I expected. Before I knew it, I could move again and I could start to step down with the walking boot. I returned home and started physical therapy. Within 3 months, my foot was no longer swollen (I mean, AT ALL). And almost immediately I could tell the difference between this new foot and the old foot, and was sure I had made the right decision.

Then, I started preparing myself for surgery #2, but this time, I felt more confident because I knew what to expect and the first surgery went so well. I knew what my timetable would be, how my body would react to the meds, I knew that even when time seemed to drag, that it would all fly by and I would be back to walking again. So we scheduled it for September 20. And just out of nowhere, 2 weeks before the big day, my surgeon's office called to move it to September 22, which wasn't a big deal but was kind of annoying. I point this out because life works in "mysterious" ways. One of the main things I have had with me through the process is faith - that everything would be ok. Six days before my surgery a recruiter reached out to me with a perfect job opportunity. And wouldn't you know that I interviewed on September 20 and 21, and actually landed the job!!!! They decided to wait for me for 2 and a half months while I recover!!! If this isn't a gift from above, I don't know what is.

Getting the job just made me want to get the process over with even more quickly. The first time around, I knew I would still go through a second surgery so I was pretty calm. But now that I have something to look forward to, I have been anxious for time to pass. It's now been 2 months since my second surgery and I've been moving around with the walking boot, soon I'll just be walking on my own.

I can't believe this year has gone by so quickly. I think it definitely has been my most trying year, by far. But as I get close to that finish line, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I really did what I set out to do. I feel that I am coming full circle. I won't say it's been an easy and rosy journey, it's been full of tears and many times over the summer, resentment that I could not go outside to enjoy my favorite season. But I'm almost done and I have learned so many lessons in life! Hopefully my new feet will be happier than my last ones and healthy for a long time to come!

Snow Days

It's been a while since I wrote on here, but I'm a working woman again so I've been a lot more tired and had a LOT less free time to write. But today is a snow day here again and I am hanging out in the comfort on my home. Thankfully we have been hit with 3 storms over the last couple of weeks and that has gotten me two free days off work and one early dismissal!!! Now, normally I would not be a fan of all this snow, but I can definitely use a day off at home during the week.

And it's also been just absolutely beautiful in town too

I actually have some great foot updates lately too...My right foot has finally turned the corner and has gotten so much better. The first couple of weeks at work were tough with the swelling, having to keep it elevated so much, not being able to move very well and also not being able to rest like I did with my left foot. About 2 weeks ago, I started to ditch the boot and crutches at work (I haven't used them at home in a while but I was being safe in the office) and also started to wear sneakers. This week I started to wear real shoes, pretty new shoes that I've been buying and the swelling is down considerably. It's such a huge relief. I am feeling so much better and stronger. I have even started to cook again and taken out all the "old lady" paraphernalia out of my bathroom.

Next week I'm going back to see Dr. Kessler for our follow up visit. While everything has gotten so much better, the pain in my thighs and my lack of energy have not changed but I am very hopeful that he's gonna have a trick up his sleeve. I'll write more after my visit with him. For now, I'm gonna go make a cup of hot chocolate and sit on the couch under the blankets.

Happy Holidays!!!

Once again I can't believe it's already been 3 months since my 2nd surgery (and 8 months since my first). I have to say the last couple weeks have been a little challenging adjusting to work again but I think my foot is finally getting the memo. After last week's inching debacle, I started to take more care of my foot and he started to behave more. I am keeping it elevated 80% of my day at work, icing it at least three times at work, and also taking 2 ginger tablets a day (my surgeon's nurse said she has heard this is a homeopathic way of treating swelling). My foot's been a little swollen but sooo much better than it was. I'm even feeling brave enough to possibly wear sneakers to the office one day next week so see how it behaves.

I also can't believe this year is over. 2010's been fun (NOT!) but I am ready for 2011. This has been one of the most difficult years of my life but one that has taught me many lessons of strength, (a little) patience, learning to lean and depend on others, and most importantly, gratitude. But I am so excited for 2011...a new year ahead of me, with new feet, a new job, a fun trip in 2 months, I'll be 30 in March, hopefully a first time home buyer at some point, the possibilities are endless.

Just wanna wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Thank you for all the help this year

And for seeing me through these 2 surgeries

Swollen Much?

My foot kinda ballooned in size last night...I didn't really do much standing or walking, even used the old lady mobile chair at Wal-Mart. It also poured all day long and John seems to think that had an effect on it.

Today at work the balloon seemed to get a little bit bigger...check me out:

My foot has NEVER been this swollen

When I took my compression stocking off at lunch time to ice my foot, this kinda panicked me a bit. Not only was I having an extreme information overload morning and then to have to deal with this. So I called my surgeon's office and spoke to his nurse who said I should just continue to do what I'm doing: taking it easy, elevate and ice it. But she said to lose the compressing stocking. No problem! I don't like that thing anyway. If it doesn't get better, she wants me to come into the city on Thursday morning to see him. I hope I don't have to do that.

So when life gives you lemons, you improvise:

How I improvised to keep my foot elevated under my desk at all times

I also spoke to my boss and she was SOOO nice about it. She was actually adamant that I call my surgeon and said if I need to take any time off to go see my doctors or even if I need to take a week off just to sit at home that it's totally fine. I obviously don't wanna do that but let's see how it goes.

I just got home and the swelling is actually MUCH better. I hope it keeps going that way.

Bittersweet Feeling...

It's been six and a half weeks since my 2nd surgery...time flies, I know. It only doesn't fly as you're actually living it and sitting on your bum so much. Now that I look back, where did the time go? It's been almost 7 months since my 1st surgery and I can still vividly remember everything about it. My year-long journey in search of a better quality of life with less pain is coming to an end.

I still remember my search for surgeons last November and December...almost 1 year ago to the date, a crazy surgeon told me that I was "beyond repair." Where were his manners? I bawled my eyes that night. And now I have two new feet. One that is already working beautifully and another that is already on its way. I started to walk again this week and tonight I even walked myself into a Chipotle...Delish! (Kalila, that was for you...lol)

I am feeling many things as I reflect about my 2010...the anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen, the happiness with the results, the boredom of sitting at home, feeling like I've accomplished what I set out to do, happy that I am going home tomorrow, and really sad that I am leaving my parents' house for good this time.

I know I am 29, but if it wasn't for this wonderful boy I fell in love with 6 years ago, I would never leave home. Think Monica and Rachel in Friends when Monica had to live with a boy!! Sure, my parents do drive me mad sometimes, but I love it here. So so much. And sure, John and I moved in together almost 2 years ago (LOL) but I've always been here so much...in 2009, I was commuting like a madwoman from CT to NJ for work and I'd sleep here at least twice a week and still go to church every week and in 2010 we moved further away but I've spent 4 months here, receiving the best care in the world and lots of TLC. So I am really excited to go to my "real" home tomorrow with John and continue living our lives, go house hunting and go back to work next month....all these things I've really been wanting to do and that I am blessed that I can do.

But now that my bags are packed and I know this time is for good I am sitting here writing this entry and crying. Goodbyes are never easy so it's just see you later (I can be so dramatic!). I'm sure my mom will be at my house this weekend to check up on me and bring me food.

Muito obrigado por tudo!
Eu te amo mainha e painho.

The 3 of us ready for round 2

The boy
(unfortunately I look much better in the pic above in the hospital...go figure!)

When Twin A met Twin B

I went to my 1st post-op appointment this past Thursday and got to meet my new right foot. It was such a relief to see it and know that everything went well. Dr. Feldman was extremely pleased with the results and how my foot is recovering. I got a new cast that will come off on November 2nd...now I just have to sit tight and anxiously wait til then.

How beautiful is my new foot?  :)

My Identical Twins

Surgery #2 and an Unexpected Surprise

I am happy to report that surgery #2 was a success!!!! This time I felt so much more prepared and at least I knew what to expect, except for the delay. Unfortunately Dr. Feldman's 1st surgery ran late and mine didn't start until 3 hours later...needless to say, I was STARVING!!!! I saw a lot of old faces from the first one too and that made me feel even more comfortable.

The days that followed were very similar, A LOT of pain on the first day, a lot of itching (as a result of the meds), drowsiness, dizziness and all that good stuff. But there were also a lot of the great things from the first one, visitors that brought me yummy food and TLC...Thanks Jess for my Mexican food, Dorothy for Crumbs' cupcakes, Vero for my Get Well Teddy Bear...and also all the beautiful flowers from other wonderful friends...

At home, the first few days were really tough too, just getting used to my strong meds again, the dizziness, and how much they affect your belly. Oh man, getting up the stairs coming home was hard again, how easily the body forgets LOL. After 3 pretty crappy days, today has been a much better day!!! Feel like myself again, just with a cast at the end of my right leg. And my left foot is behaving so nicely, all new and strong, supporting the weight of my body with no complaints.

I feel like a weight has been lifted, like I pulled the band-aid. The surgery is done and now it's just my way to recovery. I already go see Dr. Feldman to remove the first cast and the stitches next Thursday and before I know it, I'll be walking again.

And in the midst of all this craziness, I got the best news...I got the job!!! I cannot even start to describe how excited I am! Things were really meant to be!!!! My original surgery date was September 20 and then Dr. Feldman's office changed it to the 22nd. And instead, I had a first interview on the 20th and a second interview on the 21st. And they loved me (Why wouldn't they? I am pretty fabulous!)! They're going to wait until I recover so my start date is December 1. I am so so happy that I don't have to look for a job as I start to get better, that I have an even better commute than I had before, I get my own office, and most importantly, I get to do what I really really enjoy.

So I guess the lesson here is to keep your head up, just as you are struggling in life (i.e. pain), God has a plan for you and he might surprise you at the end of the day with something totally unexpected :)

My aunt, visiting from Brazil, got tired of the waiting too and decided to take a nap LOL

Summer is FINALLY here (for me anyway...)

I don't know if you've noticed that my entries have been a little bit more spaced out lately...I am happy to say that is because I've actually been living life and making up for some lost time. I spent so long sitting and so much time inside during my recovery that as soon as I started walking and feeling better, I started taking some advantage of it.

I just spent the last week in New Jersey with my mom and it was great!!! I finally went to the beach and started working on my tan, went to lunch with friends, visited my friend and her new baby, went to a bridal shower, surprised John with skydiving, spent the day at the pool and BBQ'd, visited a new dear friend and fellow CMT'er Jess, went to church, etc. It was just a really happy week!! It was great to feel normal again. Oh and it's also great how everyone is so happy and excited to see you after going through such serious surgery!

But in all honesty, I think I did too much. I was just soooo tired by the time I got back home to CT that I was a zombie all day yesterday. And to make matters worse, CMT brought me back to my "real" life and I fell pretty hard in our office yesterday. My right foot slipped in the flip flop and I lost balance. I didn't even have time to try to find something to hold on to, one minute I was up and the next I was hitting the ground. Thankfully, my left foot wasn't hurt. But as with any good fall, today my body is sore everywhere so I'm taking it easy big time.

During my awesome week, I also saw my surgeon for a final follow up and we scheduled the surgery on my right foot for September 20. So I have about 6 weeks to live up the end of the summer, before I'm in bed for a long time again. But I am really really really ready to do it. I am ready to start 2011 on a new page, with new feet.

Happy 2 Months to My Foot!!!

Time really goes by so fast...my surgery was exactly 2 months ago today. I have to admit the 2nd month was a lot harder than the first. I miss those good ol' days when I could take the SUPER-meds and my pains were all gone. Since I stopped taking them after the first month, life has been a little more complicated, and at times, A LOT more painful (not my feet, but my thighs). But the funny thing is that even though life can get difficult, it also finds a way to show you joy...

My foot is healing nicely and it feels good. The scars are healing great, except for the one by my ankle (which I pulled the scab before it was ready to come out. I know I know!!! I shouldn't have!), so that is taking a little longer to heal. I am walking with the help of the boot and either with the crutches or the walker (I prefer to be an old lady just at home). After keeping it down for a while, it gets somewhat swollen and I need to ice it.

I try to keep a positive attitude as much as possible, but I have to admit this whole situation got the best of me earlier this week. I was just moody and annoyed that I can't be outside and enjoy this summer. I was annoyed that I still need so much help with things that I could've easily done on my own before, but mostly I was angry about the summer. This is my absolute favorite time of year and now I only get to see it through the window. It's June 16 and I haven't even put on a bikini yet (I know this is so minimal in the scale of things but remember, this was my venting day).

Also, my disability claim got denied...like seriously?? When I told my surgeon, he said it was impossible. I could probably write an entire entry on how the system is so messed up, but for now, I'll just say that I am getting some legal assistance to file an appeal. Hopefully, things will go in my favor.

Thankfully, my mom came to the rescue with my dad on Monday. It was great to have my parents here the entire day. She helped us so much by cleaning the apartment and bringing tons of my favorite foods for our freezer. She and I went through my shoes to clean out my closet and most of it had to go, so my sisters will be the lucky recipients of all my shoes. It turns out my foot is only a half a size bigger, it looks like it's so much more because my right toe isn't straight.

It's also been great to have the World Cup going on right now...it's kept me really busy. I've never watched this many games or been aware of so many teams' stats. Brazil had their first game against North Korea yesterday and it wasn't too impressive but they won. I'm excited to watch the next game in Newark with a bunch of friends and some Brazilian BBQ.

Despite feeling a little down this week, I am grateful for little by little regaining some of my independence. I can now completely shower on my own, I can walk and go up and down the stairs, I can help around the house a little (helping with dishes or making our bed), I carry things back and forth in my trusty tote bag, walking and putting pressure on my foot feels better and better every day. I am completely off pain meds and even though my leg pains are very strong, they're only a little stronger than before and I get used to handling them. I have also been sleeping much better. It's amazing how simple these things are in our lives that we would normally take them for granted, but for me, every little step and every new thing that I can do on my own gives me such a huge sense of accomplishment.

I really miss the normalcy of life, being independent and being a regular member of society, getting in my car and going anywhere I want. But then I remember that I am doing this to have a better life and that eventually I will have all those things back and more! So I try not to think that it has been a long 2 months, but instead, I'm 2 months closer to achieving a healthier and happier life.

PS: I want to dedicate this entry to Tia Ana. She lives in Brazil but somehow figured out a software to translate all my entries to Portuguese and now she's an avid follower of my blog and my progress. Thank you Tia! I love you!!!

I did it!! I really really did it!!

After so many years of ignoring this option and fearing it, I have actually gone and done it! And I'm so proud of myself!

After my surgery got re-scheduled I got somewhat disappointed that I'd have to wait longer for this process to start when I am so ready for it...emotionally, joblessly, mentally ... Thankfully it was re-scheduled for only a month later, April 16. I prepared myself the same as last time, went to the hospital for another pre-testing (and found out my blood type...lol, kinda sad that I couldn't remember it at 29), did the yucky nose ointments to avoid infections, took the cat showers. The main difference this time is that my mom was missing. She rushed to Brazil to take advantage of the postponement to see my sisters and see my grandmother who has not been feeling so well. I was really ok with her going but the closer I got to surgery the sadder it became. As much as we hate to say it, at moments like these in our lives, we just want our "mommies" with us. She was able to book a flight home for this Wednesday, April 21 and will be home first thing in the AM on Thursday. I can't wait to see her!!!

Since there would be a few days when I'd be home with just my dad, a dear friend of mine helped me to get a loooooong list of friends from church who so kindly offered to help me while my mom was gone. We even set up a list of who would sleep with me at the hospital so John could come home and get some rest.

This time, I wasn't nervous when I found out the surgery time would be 9am. We'd have to be at the hospital to be prepped at 7:30am. We got up in the morning and I made sure not to do any of the things they told me, no drinking, no eating, no lotions, and had to pee in a cup at the hospital (to make sure I'm not preggers).

John and I made our way into the city and started the admission process at the hospital. The nurse who took my info shared a birthday with me, down to the year. Then I go in the bathroom to pee in the cup but it's so early in the morning and I'm out of it so I start peeing without the cup!!! LMAOOO...no worries! I corrected the problem in time.

I was so excited and ready that I took a little picture of me in my surgical outfit

It was really nice to see that Dr. G (the original doctor) came to the surgery again and actually assisted during the procedure. I met with Dr. F right before and it was a really positive meeting, he was sure he could help me which was really re-assuring. So he signed off on my leg (literally) and I started to walk down the hall with the anesthesiologist very slowly because I was only wearing socks and I can hardly walk on hard floor. My first thought walking into the operating room was: "This is not as nice as Grey's Anatomy!" LMAO...I just didn't know what to expect and had Grey's in mind. I just remember laying down on the table and answering a random question they asked me and thankfully everything went dark.

I woke up hours later in the recovery room, completely unsure of what was going on. Thankfully, John was right there and came to see how I was doing. I think I kept asking him what time it was and if I had really done it. It was really surreal that I had gone through with it for some reason. I spent the next few hours in recovery with John and our friend, Jo, checking in on me quickly because they were only allowed in the room one at a time and for no more than 10 minutes. I couldn't really speak afterwards, my voice was raspy...this was because they intubated me while I was under anesthesia so I could breathe. The great thing is I never felt that discomfort either. I also remember a big tough looking guy, who was placed next to me. He was so big and I remember him crying because of pain and it kind of amazed me that no matter how old or who we are, we are all very similar when placed in situations like these.

I believe they had me on percocet at first, but that wasn't really helping me so they switched my medication to something I'd never heard before. I was finally moved to my room, which wasn't a private room but didn't have anyone else there at the moment. Turns out you can't have anyone sleep with you in a shared room and if you requested a private room, that would cost you $390 a night (more than any hotel room I've ever stayed in so that obviously wasn't an option).

I started to wake up more and my dad also got there, which was so nice, to have my boys with me :)

The pictureholic that I am, I started to take pictures of everything because I really want to document this journey...so throughout the weekend all my visitors, my cast, my favorite nurse, the beautiful flowers I got, all of it has been captured.

The first day was really really tough, pain like I've never felt before. I was on the IV for the first day and that's how I was getting my medication....I'd have to pump it when I felt the need and it would release the pain medicine to my IV bag. Sounds like a great system until you're falling asleep on and off and wake up at 4:30am in severe pain because you haven't been pumping the meds. I desperately called the nurse who calmly came in and said that out of 100% medication I was only receiving 30% - that's why I was in so much pain. She said just to start pumping it and it would start to drip and I could do it every 6 minutes...so not only was I in terrible pain, but tired, at 4:30am and had to remember to pump the meds every 6 minutes...well that only lasted 10 minutes until I started to desperately cry and shake from the pain. Well, that got her attention and she immediately released another dose of the medication. But now I was terrified to fall asleep again and wake up the same way so I stayed up diligently hitting the button every 6 minutes. Well, by 8am the pain caught up with me again and they didn't do anything until I started crying the same way. Thankfully, my wonderful doctor (who never shows up on the weekends but came to see me on Saturday and Sunday) showed up around 10am and was really concerned. Well, let's just say my medication was upped, they took me off the pump and I started getting pills every 2 hours. I was a much happier camper after that. Unfortunately I had one more episode like that on Saturday night but at least this time John and our friend Constancia were with me, so at least they shared the tears with me, held my hand and sat with me through my pain.

It was so hard to sleep that first day with the IV needles in your arm, they don't hurt but your movement is limited, the breathing tube in your nose, they also put a small pump on your other leg that keeps vibrating in a very annoying way every few minutes (this was helpful because it kept you from getting blood clots), the nurses that come in to check your vitals every hour, so there's a lot going on. Oh and there's also the itching...all over. I don't know if it was the sheets, the hospital gowns or the anesthesia, but OMG it was brutal. I took a sleeping pill the 2nd day and slept like a baby but my pressure dropped a lot on the 3rd day because of all the meds so they couldn't give me the sleeping pills anymore but I was able to sleep here and there.

The days in the hospital also start early...they wake you up around 6am to take your wash cloth bath, get dressed, and breakfast comes in around 7-7:30am. This was also the first time I used a bedpan and it's wonderful while you really need the help but it's so uncomfortable because you really feel like you're going to make a mess!

I was busy with visitors: I was really happy to see an old co-worker who I hadn't seen in 5 years, I also met a fellow CMT'er who went through her own surgery struggles just 3 months ago and it was really nice to talk to someone who could totally relate. I also got to see her new pretty foot, even swollen, and how it looked originally because her right foot still has to get operated. It was also so nice to see friends from church, some who I didn't really expect to see. One of them stopped by a restaurant and picked me up some great Brazilian food because I couldn't even look at the hospital food. Friends brought me calling cards and I was able to call my mom and my sisters. I also took pictures with the cell phone and sent it to them to they could feel like they were more there than far away.

I was happy to be released on Monday (April 19) and so excited to come home. That day was much busier in the hospital and the new nurse definitely didn't have the time for me. I was impressed at how good my insurance company has been so far (let's hope it stays that way); I got a bunch of equipment to bring home and I didn't have to pay any co-pay: the walker, crutches, a wheelchair, and the commode (toilet seat with handles on the side that goes above your toilet seat). I was also impressed that my insurance covers at home care...a nurse came over on Monday to check my vitals and on Thursday I have a physical therapist coming over as well as the nurse again. They'll be coming over every week for the next 5 weeks. WOW! So far so good :)

At home, I had wonderful friends spend the day with me, make me great homemade meals, and also some of my girlfriends who visited me and brought me some of my favorite things: Mama Mexico's guacamole (thanks Luzma) and Johnny's cupcakes (thanks Paola & Oscar).

Even with all this amazing food, my appetite has been slow to return, I'm still groggy with the medication, and the pain is never really gone but it's definitely manageable. The worst of it for me is how numb I feel so much of the time which I always did before so I always avoided putting my leg up but now it's constantly that way because of the cast. I'm doing pretty good with the walker but the crutches are definitely a challenge. I didn't have balance before on my 2 feet so finding it one just one has been difficult. But I feel accomplished that I can go to the bathroom on my own, I can dress myself and I am keeping a positive attitude. I think I expected a lot worse and I'm really happy this is better than my expectations. I'm just really happy that I actually did it and now I can't wait to see my new foot.

My follow up appointment is in 2 weeks and I'm guessing I'll get to see my foot then. Through this process, with all the love and attention I've received, I feel a wakening in me. That I need to help more, friends or strangers. It's just so nice (even, if at times overwhelming) to have so many visitors, to get the phone calls, to have people bring me such great homemade food and cakes, etc. When this is done, I need to remember how good it felt to be cared for so that I could pay it forward.