Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Fog Has Lifted...

As you've been able to tell from most entries I've written lately, I've been really struggling: with pain, with fatigue, with exhaustion. I've been on a journey in search of medical and spiritual help to find some relief. I am definitely a lot better now than when I started, but I have to say that a switch seems to have clicked over the last week that could make all the difference in the world.

About a month ago, I started on a new pain medication, in addition to increasing my daily dosage of Lyrica (for my nerve pain). My doctor said I could take 1-2 pills every 4 to 6 hours. Since I'm already popping enough pills as it is, I've been doing one pill with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I've noticed some relief but nothing major. The last two weeks have been extremely busy for me personally and at work and I seriously crashed last Thursday night with an incredibly busy day and I was just BEYOND exhausted. Since I had to go to work on Friday, I decided to take two pills with dinner so maybe I could have a better night of sleep.

Well, I could've probably JUMPED off the bed in the morning if I wanted to because I just felt SO good. And that's not what I expected at all - I just thought I'd be completely sore and a zombie at work all day. Then I had another busy weekend and I decided to try my luck and take two pills with dinner on Sunday night and Monday night. I honestly can't even think of the right words to express how I feel....

I can't remember the last time I felt this light, this clear headed, this rested, this AWAKE. I feel as though I've been walking around with a veil of exhaustion over me that has suddenly lifted. I was able to wake up yesterday and today, even after not a full 8 hours of sleep, and not feel like I had an elephant sitting on top of my legs. I've been able to sit through meetings without yawning repeatedly. I've had two super busy days at work because one of our biggest events of the year is on Thursday and I'm not stressed. I'm just going through the motions and getting the work done.

Like I said, I can't remember the last time I have felt ANY of these things. I've been on survivor mode since going back to work and just struggling to make it through the week, always tired, always in pain. The pain has not completely gone away but I feel like the fog I've been in has been lifted. I am praying that this is a permanent change, but even if it's not, I am just BEYOND HAPPY that I've had these days to feel like my old self, I guess. It's been so long, I couldn't remember what it was like.

And honestly, the more I think about it, I can't really remember what my old self was like - before all of this got so much more intense and painful. If this is my new norm, I am excited to re-discover how I used to be. Maybe a little more calm, a little less on edge, much much happier. I so soooo needed this. I am SO thankful to God!!

I hope people who are healthy and read this entry don't take for granted what they have. I know we have SO much to be grateful for and sometimes it's not until you lose it that you realize how good you have it. I am LOVING this "new" old me. I can't wait to call my doctor tomorrow and tell him the amazing news!

Thank you for being there for me and for helping me along the way...

Thank you to another dear friend who has helped me so much!


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