This was a very bittersweet week for me. After months of trying to delay the inevitable and struggling to maintain work/life balance (and by that I mean going to work and getting through the day and coming home to veg out in bed and do absolutely nothing because of exhaustion and pain) I finally gave my resignation notice at work 3 weeks ago. It was certainly not an easy decision to make and I really struggled with letting that part of my life go. As much as we dread going to work sometimes, it keeps us active, in contact with other people, not to mention the financial benefits to be able to live more freely and do things you enjoy like going out to eat and traveling.
John and I just came to the conclusion that it is just not worth it for me to struggle so much to work, when I have just been so miserable at home and unable to do anything else (i.e. take care of the home, cook, go to church, on and on and on). Thankfully, as if the angels from above knew that this would be my last week, they promptly managed to get me tickets to a live taping of the OPRAH SHOW IN NYC!!!!!! My mom and I attended Oprah's LifeClass at the Radio City Music Hall on Monday and it was a dream come true! Not only did we get to enjoy Oprah, but her main guest was Deepak Chopra and the discussion was about spirituality (cue the angels singing!!!). It was just unbelievable!!! Beyond words..I have been a die-hard fan for years and always dreamed of going to a show. The energy in the auditorium of 5,000+ people was out of this world. So you can say Monday was not a day I gave much thought about my impending major life change.
Tuesday was another extremely exciting day. I've been going back and forth with a friend, who became a professional wedding photographer a couple years ago. Since we got married on New Year's Eve and it was freezing out, we made plans to have a photoshoot in our wedding day outfits when the weather got nicer. Then again, out of nowhere, my friend contacts me that she has heard about this amazing daffodil field nearby that she was just dying to go see and that she'd shoot John and I as a FREEBIE! Say no more...you had me at daffodil field!!!! The only catch is that I had to leave work early so I could get my hair/nails/makeup done...I wasn't going to even attempt to do any of those myself. We went to one of the most glorious places I've seen!!! Out of a storybook...daffodils everywhere, lake, windmill, beautiful fields, barn, well...I mean, a photoholic's DREAM! Here's just a quick preview that she sent me that night that has me DYING to see the rest...needless to say, Tuesday breezed by and I gave no though to last day of work being Thursday.
On Wednesday, it started to hit me a bit, but it really hit me like a wall at night when I decided to write some Thank You cards to some people who have been very kind to me...(cue the waterworks). Poor John came home from doing a double at work to find me sobbing, the reality of it all really hit me...I couldn't even speak. So Thursday at work, I pretty much cried all day. I asked them to do away with the usual goodbyes from the firm - no breakfast needed - or my guests would end up consoling me. I needed to take a few breaks and go hide out in the bathroom but I survived. I received a really nice outpouring of support from people I would have never expected and felt truly appreciated by those I worked with. There's a possibility I may be able to work with them from home in the future, but for now I'm just going to focus on trying to feel better and going back to doing some activities I love.
I certainly don't want people to feel pity for me or "jealous" of the fact I get to stay home. It almost feels like if I had a baby with me, this would have been a much more acceptable decision to make. Since there is no baby yet, I just want to focus on getting stronger...I will be going to physical therapy and pool therapy twice a week, going to look into going back to the nursing home to visit my peeps (I feel more at home there among the canes and wheelchairs), taking dad to see a live taping of America's Got Talent this week, going to the Orchid Show at the New York Botanical Garden next week...sure, I'll be doing some of these things from my wheelchair, but it'll be nice to change the pace of life.
As sad as it is to dwell on the reality of why I needed to stop working, I think I've cried that all out now. I just need to focus on the future and on the reason why I did this to begin with: to have a better quality of life. I'm looking forward to enjoying this time off and hopefully also starting to feel much better physically and emotionally. The end of a chapter, but the beginning of another :)